How to Not Be a Friend and How to Be a Friend to Your Students

 When I was in college, I remember my professors and mentor teachers always saying "do not be your students' friend.  They don't need another friend, they need a teacher."  This stuck out to me, and while I never started by telling students that I was not their friend, it would be mentioned if it was brought up. Every time I saw hurt and a lack of understanding from my students. I would tell them what was told to me; about how they don't want to be my friend because friendship goes two ways, how that doesn't mean that I don't love them, and how they want me to be their teacher. But, every time, it got interpreted the same way, "I don't love you." So, I've stopped saying it.

 The last thing I would ever want in my classroom is for students to feel unsafe. That's why I pushed the "not your friend" narrative. I wanted them to know that my classroom was a classroom of structure, that I was a kind authority figure, and that they would not need to worry about chaos when they came to my room. I've come to realize that telling students that I am not their friend doesn't make them feel safe, it just makes them feel unloved. That led me to think about what my fellow teachers had been telling me, and what was the spirit of what they were telling me.

 Ultimately, what they were telling me was act my age, act like an authority figure, and maintain control of your classroom. What it means to not be a student's friend is not act like them. You don't pretend to be one of their peers, you maintain clear boundaries, discipline when needed, and assure them that you are in charge. You are not their peer, you are not their parent, you are their teacher. A teacher is an important, but not close, adult figure in a child's life.

 And, I believe that I am a teacher. My boundaries could afford to be a little clearer, but my students know that I am in charge and, in fact, will do what I say because we have a good, positive relationship. They listen to me, and do not question my authority of the classroom. I am clear about my expectations and I follow through on what I say I will do. I use both positive and negative classroom consequences in my classroom. My classroom management isn't perfect, but I constantly strive on perfecting it, and it has gotten pretty good. I am my student's teacher . . . and I am also my student's friend.

 Earlier in this post, I wrote about how my fellow teachers understood friendship between teachers and students, but my eyes have been opened to how students see it. When students want you to be their friend what they really want is love, understanding, and kindness. They want to know that you will be there for them, they want to know that you will love them unconditionally, they want to know that they are wanted in your classroom. They aren't asking you to be their peer when they want you to be their friend, they want you to know that they love you and want to know if you love them back. They want to know if they can talk to you and confide in you. They don't see the "just teacher and student" relationship as very loving. They see it as distant and cold.

 So, while I am my student's teacher, while I maintain boundaries, and am an authority figure in my classroom, as I mentioned, I am also my student's friend (as they understand friendship.) I am not their peer, but I am their friend. I show them unconditional love, they know if they get in trouble in my classroom that does not mean that I don't love them. I show them kindness, when the world will belittle them I try to raise them up. I show them who I am, and that allows them to feel safe to show who they are.

 I believe it to be possible to both be your student's teacher and your student's friend. I think maintaining a safe environment while being both is a tricky situation, and requires a lot of work, but I think it can be done. That is why in my teacher mission statement written this morning I included a part about being a friend:

 "In my classroom, students will always feel safe, loved, and wanted. I vow that I will make my lessons understandable, always show patience, and do my best to understand the students. I will use my spiritual gifts to see the best in the students God allows me to work with. I vow that I will not speak about students outside of their classroom, and encourage other teachers to do the same. I will be an advocate, a protector, and a friend to those put under my charge. I will spread positivity in the school that I work in"

Constructivism TIPR

One of the best examples of constructivism that I saw in the classroom was when Mr. D had students participate in discovery learning by splitting into groups and having students look up different key figures of the reformation giving them a few key guidelines of what to look for.  He then had the students present what they had found and had the other students take notes based on their discovery to learn about all of the different key figures of the reformation.  Students knew what they were doing and seemed to enjoy creating the presentations that they were creating.

However, there seems to be very few constructivist lessons in the classroom.  There are a few projects but the requirements seem so rigid that I would not consider them to constructivist.  For my mini-lesson I would like to incorporate group work and some inquiry.

Contexts of Development TIPR

I never saw the student's physical development be considered in the classroom.  One of the aspects that I felt like could have been improved upon, although I'm not sure how, is that the students did not have enough space.  The classroom was quite small and the desks were too close to each other for growing students.  However, this was definitely a facilities issue and probably could not be solved by the teacher.  In regards to Bronfenbrenner's Bioecological model, the teachers incorporated microsystems by having students reflect and write journals based on their own interactions with material.  They incorporated mesosystems by having the students work in groups and with the whole class from time to time thus bringing in more interactions.  I never saw an example of exosystems as that is much more difficult to identify, except for both teachers leaving for the Shakespeare festival meaning the students were left with a sub, an event that effected them indirectly.  Lastly the environment of Maeser Academy and the feelings that the students have towards their charter school acted as a Macrosystem as it effected each student and how they learned.

I saw neither teacher do anything to learn more about the students' personal, cultural, and community assets, but I suspect that this was something that was done before I entered the classroom.  I witnessed a couple of examples where the teachers used the assets that the students brought to the classroom to help build relationships.  I watched Mr. D playfully imitate a student and he seemed to do quite an accurate portrayal based on the reaction of the other students he was sitting around.  In addition, when students were giving presentations, Mrs. S was asking about both younger and older siblings giving indication that she was aware of the students home lives.

The teachers incorporated student's lives into instruction by having the students personally reflect on certain questions that were asked bringing in personal experiences.  The questions that I witnessed dealt with sexism, paradise, and suffering.  Students were also asked to write and turn in personal journals.  One that I saw is Mr. D asked the students if they would want to live in the Garden of Eden as it is described in Paradise Lost, why or why not.  Students had a few minutes to work on it and then Mr. D asked the students to share some of their thoughts.

Responding to student's individual needs based on their personal backgrounds was not something that I witnessed very often.  Both of the classes that I observed seemed pretty homogeneous to me with very few needs being displayed outside of the norm.  One that I did observe is that students were giving presentations, where they performed a scene from Hamlet either in front of the class or filmed it, and one student had not completed his.  I believe this student was nervous about performing in front of the class and possibly did not have the resources to complete the project at home although it is impossible for me to know either of these things.  The student requested an audience with Mrs. S in private so he could talk to her about it.  Instead of meeting with the student and learning what had happened that he did not complete such a large project, she gave him a 0.  This is an instance where his needs could have been better met by making talking to him a priority.

When I teach my mini-lesson I will strive to meet the student's individual needs as well as work with each group individually in regards to their project.  I will try to see what problems they are coming across and work with them to give them the tools to solve these problems.

Vygotsky TIPR

On my last observation day, I asked Mr. D if he had any last pieces of advice to give me.  Mr. D informed me that it's important to stay well-informed and make sure that students are able to use the knowledge that I have.  Mr. D was telling me to act as an effective More Knowledgeable Other to my future students.  He then pointed at his bookshelf and told me that the books there were all books that he had read to become more knowledgeable, or a more effective More Knowledgeable Other, which is also something that I observed in his classes as everything that I saw him teach he was very effective at providing scaffolding from his knowledge base.  I did not see the teachers evaluate the student's Zones of Proximal Development.  I'm not sure if I just missed the lessons where they did this, but it seemed that the teachers would frequently just assume where the students were.  I also did not see much scaffolding, but I did see the students working independently and being very effective with what they were doing which must have been the result of some scaffolding.  Mr. D was really good at using technological tools by having the students use the internet most of the classes that I was there and Mrs. S was good at using cultural tools by having class discussions and pulling in personal experiences that the students had.

Many of the lessons that I've observed don't actually use More Knowledgeable Other(s), besides the teacher, or determine the students' Zone of Proximal Development.  The teacher should use more group work and group according to the student's needs every once in a while.  I would also like to see the teachers pay attention to which students are responding and which students seem a little bit more lost in their responses, as this is not something that I observed.  In my mini-lesson, I would like to incorporate more group work and have students be the More Knowledgeable Other to each other.  I also did not see a lot of scaffolding done, as I either saw the teachers helping the students or the students working independently and not much in between.  One of the days that I came, Mr. D was talking to the class about the Socratic Seminar that they had the day before and how it hadn't gone very well.  He went over what he expected in a Socratic Seminar and some of the problems that had happened.  Many of the problems might not have happened if there had been more scaffolding.

Piaget TIPR

One of the biggest examples of creating disequilibrium that I saw is when Mr. D was teaching from Paradise Lost.  Many of the students were of LDS background and had learned that Eve could not have children and remain in the garden.  Mr. D caused some disequilibrium when he told them that in Paradise Lost that is not the case.  Adam and Eve could have children and that moral dilemma that exists in the LDS faith doesn't exist in Paradise Lost.  This was something necessary for them to learn in order to understand Paradise Lost and required them to accommodate by understanding that Milton's understanding of the Garden of Eden was not their own.  Mr. D helped them accommodate by giving them some time to process what he had just told them, by telling the implications that were related to Paradise Lost, and allowing them to answer questions regarding things they still didn't understand.  I also saw an example of assimilation when Mrs. S was going over a different part of Paradise Lost where Satan is written as a sympathetic character.  Mrs. S helped the students explore the concepts of Satan's character and had a discussion with them which helped them assimilate the new ideas of Satan's character with the ideas that they already had.  Most of the lessons seem to be in the Formal Operational stage as the goal of the course is to get the students to think critically about their world.

The students in the class that I'm observing have many chances to think critically and analyze situations, but it seems like to me that only a few students are actually doing the critical thinking and there doesn't seem like there is much opportunity for the other students.  Having the students think abstractly and hypothetically is something that the students need in their current stage of development.  In my mini-lesson something that I might do is have the students create a write-up that focuses on more abstract and hypothetical ideas.

Assessment TIPR

While observing Mr. D and Mrs. S I saw informal formative assessments everyday when they would ask the students questions or have the students participate in classroom discussion.  I also helped the students with a formal formative assessment where they researched explorers and then created a project.  I watched an informal formative self-assessment where the students were asked how they could have done a Socratic Seminar better.  I never saw a summative assessment while observing the class.

The teachers used formative assessments to indicate how well the students understood the reading that they had done the night before.  In addition, I saw the teachers use the assessments to evaluate how well the students were grasping the material and adjusting the discussion accordingly.

One assessment that I saw had them reading lines from Hamlet, and the teacher allowed them to perform live or to film themselves learning in order to allow students with specific needs to demonstrate their learning.  Beyond that, I didn't see an other adaptations to allow students with specific needs to demonstrate their learning.  I'm not so sure that there were needs that weren't being addressed though.

In a Socratic Seminar that I didn't see, Mr. D had the students fill out a self-evaluation as well as filled out an evaluation himself which he told them what he had wrote down.  He used his feedback and their feedback to do the self-assessment which I did see.  He encouraged them to remember what they had talked about for their next Socratic Seminar.  Beyond that I did not see how the teachers gave feedback on assignments as most of it was online and outside my hours.

The biggest need that I saw inside the classroom, especially with the discussion, is there didn't seem to be any sort of equalizer making sure that every student was participating and each student's needs were being met.  For my lesson, I would like to make sure that I focus on each student to make sure that each student is being assessed and not just a few.

Growth Mindset and Motivation TIPR

One of the ways that I saw Growth Mindset encouraged in the class right away was a quote written on the board.  It said something along the lines that a small change is far greater than no change.  I feel like this was encouraging students to keep going, even if they think it's hard.  For the motivation, I haven't been able to see anything either of the times I came to do observations, so I just went up to the teachers and asked them.  They told me that one of the first things they try to do is create a relationship with the students.  Mrs. S told me that a lot of times they'll do what they're meant to as to not disappoint her, which is an extrinsic reward.  They told me that building a relationship takes time though, so having a good reputation helps get a jump start on that.  They also told me that having genuine enthusiasm helps motivate the students as well.  This applies to their interests and is an intrinsic motivation.  I saw that first hand.  I came into the lesson, saw that it was about Hamlet and was immediately disinterested.  I'm not a big fan of Shakespeare.  But due to Mr. D's enthusiasm by the end of the class I wanted to read Hamlet for myself.

One of things that I saw was that during lectures, both teachers were actively taking in input and asking questions.  I was especially impressed with the way Mr. D would take unrelated comments from the students, comment on them, and get the students back on track without much interruption.  I think this is way to keep students engaged, because the tangents are short but they tend to be interesting.  However, on the day I came in to observe the first class I observed was just watching Hamlet.  She gave some context ahead of time and told them things to look for, but just in general I don't think that movies are very engaging.

The teachers build respect and rapport with their teachers by trying to get to know the students.  Mr. D had me sit at his desk, so during student presentations he would sit at different student desks and say "I'm ______, now."  One of the students he imitated as he sat down.  I don't know the student, but I got the impression that was the sort of jest that both that student and the class enjoyed.  So, he not only knew his students well enough to know where they typically sat (though they don't have a seating chart) in that class but their personalities well enough that he knew who would take his joking well.

One thing that I've noticed, that I feel like I need to address in that class, is they sit there for a very long time.  Now, typically they are doing a little bit more than me, but I always feel myself getting slightly bored just sitting there for so long.  And I've seen the students start to get restless as well.  If possible I'd like to vary things when I teach my lesson so they aren't just sitting there the entire time.